Thursday, February 7, 2013

I've got a little itty bitty secret

Let’s go back to early 2008 shall we….


I was sick and tired of being sick and tired!

I was extremely overweight with a list of health problems, ashort list but still a list. I mean who wants a list of health issues. You wantlists for things like what I will spend my lotto winnings on, or a list ofplaces you will visit while traveling the world. Not a list of things like, myknees always hurt, my back hurts, I have sleep apnea, I’m always tired, and I’malways getting sick. Blah blah!

Oh I was also on meds for a very under active Thyroid.

I never let being overweight be who I was. If you know mepersonally you know this!

Inside I felt like I was dying most of the time. I had awfuleating habits. By awful I mean double whopper with cheese king size meal everyday, sometimes more than once. I fully admit to having a problem.

So let me skip to the heavy part of this entry….

My doc basically said keep this up and you will die young,probably of a heart attack from one or several things.  What person at 32 wants to hear they aregoing to die when they really truly do love life? No really I did feel like Iwas dying inside because of my habits and weight, but on the other hand I lovedlife. I loved being social and dancing until my legs felt like noodles at thebar with my friends. I loved laughing and being silly, shopping and doinggirlie things.

I would lie in bed and dream about being healthy and notfeel trapped in this giant shell that I lived in.

I argued with myself about this for a very long time and Ieven said out loud to friends that I would never consider this because I wastough and didn’t need anyone or anything to help me.

But I needed help. I need someone or something or both tohelp me. I tried lots of things and honestly Weight Watchers was a step in theright direction. I lost nearly 100 pounds following their program and I ameternally grateful for the lessons I learned and the good habits I picked up.

BUT I needed more. I needed a tool that would really put mein my place. Something that would stick with me for a lifetime and help merealize my dreams!

So I did it. After a year of research and seminars andmeeting many doctors I made my choice.

On May 20, 2008 I got the call at work that I had beenapproved by my insurance company to receive a Lap Band and I could call thesurgeons office to schedule my surgery anytime and it would be fully covered.HOLY CRAP!! I sat in the conference room in my office and cried for about 20mins.  I don’t know who I told first someof that is a blur.

Skipping to the good stuff…

I called Dr. Hawasli’s office and scheduled my surgery. June11, 2008. That would be my new birthday so to speak. A new me would leave thathospital!

Dr. Hawasli saved my life. At the seminar he stood there andtold me/us it wasn’t going to be easy. We had a journey ahead of us and itwould require work on our part. He made me feel safe choosing him. He looked mein the eye at the end of the seminar when I shook his hand and said it was apleasure to meet me and I knew he was my guy. Little did I know he wouldsilently become my hero over the next 4.5 years.


Look having weight loss surgery was the best personal choiceI have ever made. I would never change it and I DO NOT regret one singlemoment.

Let me get this out of the way ….

I eat right
I exercise
I take vitamins
I have to follow rules
having surgery was not and is not an easy way out.

You can fail. You can gain weight and eat poorly and notexercise.

The only thing I have is something that keeps me on track.There are many types of weight loss surgery. I am happy to explain thedifference between what I have and the others. A tiny bit of education the labband does not cut the stomach. I did not have anything like that done. What Ihave is a device that can be adjusted through a port under my skin to increasethe size or decrease the size of my stomach. It’s pretty freaking cool.  I’m kind of bionic!! NEAT!!!

For those of you who know me personally know I haveliterally worked my butt off and have never ever taken the easy road. This crapisn’t easy!!! WHAT THE HECK!!

I know many of you reading this will judge me and I knowmany of you will support me or commend me for sharing this.

Ultimately what I’m doing this for is to help. To be asupport for those of you who need it. To be a friend on hard days. To educateyou on my choice and maybe see if it’s the right choice for you. Either way Iam going to support your journey, surgery or not!!

At this point it’s been somewhat of a secret I had surgeryto those who do not know me. HA! Actually nobody in my family knew except mymom. So HI FAMILY I HAD WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY ALMOST 5 YEARS AGO.  

So you can judge me, hate me, love me, congratulate me. I’lltake it. Sock it to me.

Here’s what I know….

My knees don’t hurt. My back doesn’t hurt. I haven’t beensick in 5 years. I don’t take thyroid meds anymore. I don’t have sleep apnea.

I’m not 400+ pounds. I’m healthy. I work at it every day. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes.


So at the end of the day I’m happy,  and healthy as can be and very much alive!!!


  1. Rock on, Barbie. It is so admirable to make a choice and a change to better your life. Glad you're you!